The Fault Is In Our Stars

Someday I'd like to meet Genevieve. We've never been introduced, but she does seem to have remarkable insights into my daily life. She writes—or intuits or channels or whatever the process may be—the horoscopes that appear in our daily paper.

The essential quality of a good horoscope, of course, is to be simultaneously specific and vague. It needs to appear to be targeted for each individual reader, yet ambiguous enough to be open to interpretation. Genevieve usually manages this balancing act quite well.

Since she seems to know a lot about me, it would be nice to make the relationship a little more balanced by knowing a little more about her. Of course, it is possible to imagine a few things about Genevieve's life from skimming all 12 of the horoscopes.

One day might have a lot of five-star days in the cards, with several entries along the lines of "let yourself go," "your fiery side emerges," or "open yourself to new possibilities." That's a clue that Genevieve has met a wonderful new guy.

Another morning might reveal three-star days for almost everyone, with six out of twelve signs warned to "be wary of new relationships" or "others are not always who they seem." Oops, apparently Genevieve's new boyfriend didn't turn out to be Mr. Right after all.

A lot of recommendations to "be sensitive to your budget" or "let go and worry less about your finances"? Genevieve opened her credit card bill just before she sat down to cast the horoscopes for the day.

Genevieve's true genius, however, may be her gift for meshing couples' horoscopes. Before launching into the day, it's always a good idea to read, not only your own horoscope, but also your spouse's. The other day, for example, mine told me to "speak your mind and aim for exactly what you want." His cautioned, "You might want to mellow out. A boss or loved one may seem demanding and unreasonable."

If that was what the stars and Genevieve said, of course, it must be so. Too bad I had a five-star day and his was only two.

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