Skimming through a magazine the other day, I came across a full-page ad for “sculpting cream.” This is not, as you might think, a whipped topping you could use to create fancy designs on top of your hot chocolate or your strawberry shortcake.
No, this is “facial sculpting cream.” “Instant facial sculpting cream,” yet. It is supposed to lift and tighten your skin to minimize the appearance of fine lines and make you look years younger. It supposedly will make your face look more defined by transforming your entire facial contour.
It obviously works, too. As proof, the ad included a photo of a model without a single wrinkle or sagging spot on her face. She didn’t look a day over 25.
Of course, a cynic might point out that this just possibly was due to the fact that she wasn’t a day over 25. But never mind that. Sculpting creams, according to the ad, are “definitely this year’s hottest new products.”
And no wonder, as I realized when I read the rest of the ad. It exposed my ignorance of a major age-related issue. This is a huge concern that I didn’t even know I should be worried about.
Not wrinkles on or in your ears, which would be hidden by all the little ridges and curves that are in there already. These are much more visible than that. The ad described them as “those nasty little lines in front of your ears (you know, the wrinkles you ignore but everyone else gets to see).”
I never even knew about ear wrinkles. Obviously, I must have been ignoring mine for years now. Meanwhile, no doubt my friends have been tittering behind my back. “Did you notice how prominent her ear wrinkles are getting? Poor thing; hasn’t she ever heard about facial sculpting cream? Do you think we should let her know?”
Some things even your best friends won’t tell you.
For those too skeptical or too cheap to pony up forty bucks for a half-ounce jar of facial sculpting cream, there must be other options for camouflaging those unsightly ear wrinkles. A hairstyle that comes forward over the temples might seem to be an obvious choice. Yet for women of an age to be susceptible to ear wrinkles, this would only replace one problem with another by calling attention to hair that isn’t nearly as abundant as it used to be.
Maybe this explains why some mature women go in for those big button earrings. It might be more effective, though, just to hang little curtains of miniature beads from the bows of one’s reading glasses. It might be a bit distracting, especially on a windy day, but that’s a minor sacrifice in the cause of youthful beauty.
I don’t know whether I can handle the stress of coping with ear wrinkles. Worrying about it is probably giving me new frown lines. Maybe I’d better order two jars of facial sculpting cream.
(For extra credit, an anonymous survey. How many of you, after reading this, promptly went to a mirror to check for ear wrinkles?)