Golf and Game in Wyoming

The card stated clearly that it was an exclusive invitation sent to a limited few. We were obviously among the chosen, since my partner’s name was on the envelope, spelled right and everything.

He and a guest—that would be me, presumably, though of course being too quick to presume can sometimes lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings, and a wise woman doesn’t take these things for granted—were invited to enjoy dinner and fine wine for two. At the same time, we would participate in a seminar to find out all about “Wyoming’s premier golf and hunting resort community.” We would even be given the opportunity to buy “appreciating real estate” in this “deeded ownership resort.”

Now, given the exclusive and limited nature of these invitations, one might think somebody would have checked the list to verify that all the recipients actually played golf and hunted. Or at least did one or the other. Which we don’t. Maybe we qualified just on the grounds of our general all-around specialness and exclusivity.

But I still found the invitation a tad confusing. Maybe it’s my rural upbringing, but I’ve never particularly thought of golf and hunting as a matched set. Certainly, I know people who enjoy both. They just don’t indulge in them at the same time or in the same place. So I’m not sure how the whole “golf and hunting resort” thing would work.

The obvious way to clarify confusing little details like this would be to accept the invitation. Then I would have a chance to ask questions. Here are some of the things I would like to know:

1. Will the pro shop sell camouflage golf knickers?

2. A deer or antelope would probably fit on a golf cart, but if you bag an elk on the course, are you allowed to drive your pickup off the cart path to load it?

3. If you carry a rifle in your golf bag, do you have to count it as one of your clubs? And is it absolutely necessary to put one of those little mitten thingies on it?

4. Are you expected to tip the caddy something extra for helping you dress out your game?

5. If someone ahead of you on the course has stopped to field-dress an elk on the fairway, does course etiquette require you to wait, or can you play through?

6. If one member of the resort shoots a deer and it runs out onto the fairway, where another member of the resort dispatches it with a three-iron, who gets to keep the deer?

7. If your golf partner is lining up a long put, and an elk ambles into range, are you required to risk spooking the critter by shouting “fore” before you shoot?

8. If you’re on, say, the seventh hole, and you miss a deer with your first shot but get it with the second, do you have to add both shots to your golf score?

9. If you’re on the tee, and you pull your rifle out of your golf bag and drop an antelope with one shot, does that count as a hole in one?

10. If one of your drives hits a turkey in the head and kills it, is your score for that hole automatically a birdie?

Never mind petty little details like prices, access, and land values. What potential buyers really need are satisfactory answers to crucial questions like these. It might be enough to persuade them to invest—at least if they’ve had enough of that fine wine.