Delighted to Deliver

An editor walked into a bar . . .

Well, actually, it was a restaurant. I was waiting for my order and had nothing to do but let my mind wander. This can be dangerous, as it sometimes goes down unexpected paths. What led it astray this time was a sign near the door: "We're Delighted to Serve You."

"Delighted." Why is that word a synonym for being happy? To "de-light" really ought to mean "make dark." As in, "We were delighted when the electricity went off."

This, of course, started me pondering about what some other words might mean if we took them more literally.

Repairing: When two couples divorce and then marry each other's former spouses.

Recitation: Getting your second or third speeding ticket.

Deliver: When you're preparing the Thanksgiving turkey and you throw out the organ meats.

Deserved: What the butler did when he quit his job.

Devoted: What you did when you marked your ballot but then forgot to put it into the box to be counted.

Repeal: To ring the church bell a second time.

Design: What several local businesses had to do after the city passed an ordinance that limited billboards.

Detesting algebra. When the teacher says, "Okay, class, this year we aren't going to have any quizzes, and there will be no final exam."

Detailed: What the cat became when it got too curious about the lawn mower.

Retail: What the veterinarian tried to do to the cat. Unfortunately, the operation wasn't successful.

That's as far as my mind wandered before the waitress brought my meal, which was just as I had ordered it. A good thing, too. Otherwise, she might have had to reserve it.