Last week at dance class, trying to protect my toes from a temporary partner who apparently was not born with an appreciation for three-four time, I was distracting myself by listening to the music. It occurred to me how ironic it was that so many people could have so much fun dancing to so many sad country songs.
This led, more or less inevitably, to thoughts about some country songs that, as far as I know, have yet to be written:
• I could waltz across Texas with you, if only you didn’t keep trying to do the two-step.
• I can’t even cry in my beer any more; the sodium is bad for my blood pressure.
• She was only a bootlegger’s daughter, but the sheriff loved her still.
• Send me the pillow that you drool on.
• Nights are so cold since you’ve been gone, I’m sleeping with my socks on.
• My eyes are as red as the dress that you wore on the night that you told me goodbye.
• You washed my new jeans with my underwear, and now I’m your faded love.
• Please take me back to that ice fishing shack, where we had love to keep us warm.
If any of these titles inspire you, feel free to write your own music and lyrics. All I ask for is ten percent of the royalties if the song should prove to be a hit.