Putting the “Grass” In Grasshoppers

According to a source who wishes to remain anonymous (possibly because his conclusion is based on first-hand observation), grasshoppers love pot.

Once upon a time, years ago in another life, this man used to grow marijuana—for strictly medicinal purposes, I presume. At a get-together recently, he was describing to a group of us how difficult it was to get grasshoppers off the plants. They wouldn’t even jump if he touched them, but hung on tight and just kept munching. They were the biggest, fattest, greenest grasshoppers he had ever seen. He said, “I should have tried eating them.”

Better yet, he should have tried selling them. I’m not sure whether sales would have been high—but the marketing campaigns could have been so much fun.

One possible product would have been “Natural High” gourmet chicken feed, for free-range fowl, of course. Sold with the slogan “For a happy henhouse—pot in every chicken.”

But why waste such delicacies on poultry? We’re talking about unique snack items targeted toward the upscale and the environmentally aware. Like pot-roasted “hash hoppers.” Freeze-dried “jumping joints.” Chocolate-covered or yogurt-dipped “pot hoppers.” “Bugs with a Buzz” trail mix.

Pot-laced grasshoppers could make perfect hors d’oeuvres for discerning party-givers—“Put more bounce in your buffet!” They would provide “high” quality protein; all natural, of course, and completely organic.

Just think of the incredible marketing opportunity that my friend missed. Putting the “grass” in grasshoppers; he could have made a fortune. And all, presumably, perfectly legal—at least as long as you didn’t inhale.