Signs of Hard Times

When you own a very small business in a town whose heyday was a couple of generations ago, you do the best you can with whatever you have to offer.

Like the restaurant in a tiny Nebraska town, doing its best in an old building too big for its business. The place may not have had endless varieties of coffee like Starbucks, but they did have the essential 21st-century amenity, high-speed Internet access.

Maybe. Because the sign written on the front window didn’t actually say, “FREE WIFI.” It said “FREE WIFE.”

My partner wondered—out loud, which wasn’t especially tactful of him—whether you got to pick any wife you wanted or had to take whichever one was offered. Or, perhaps, if you could leave one for free.

Then we began to consider the other possible ways to interpret the sign. Maybe it wasn’t an offer at all. Maybe it was a call to action, like “Free Willy” or “Free the Chicago Seven.” Maybe the owner’s beloved spouse was in the hoosegow and he was recruiting help to stage a jail break.

Or maybe the sign was meant as a celebration. Maybe the newly-divorced owner had finally thrown the bum out and was announcing her liberated status. Although, technically, then the sign should have read, “FREE EX-WIFE.”

Sadly, since we had to finish our hash browns and get back on the road, we will probably never know the truth.

The next day, we noticed another struggling business in a tiny shop on a New Mexico street where half the storefronts were empty. Painted on the glass was a larger-than-life skull enhanced with menacing designs. It would have looked right at home on the kind of biker you don’t want to meet in a dark alley, on either his leather jacket or his hairy chest. Two similarly painted plastic skulls grinned in support from the window ledge. Next to them was an electronic sign announcing “Rocky’s Custom Tattoos.”

Above this, taped to the inside of the glass, a little white hand-lettered note added, “Mary Kay Sold Here.”

I should have gone in. After all, I’ve been meaning to find a Mary Kay distributor and get some eye makeup. It just hadn’t occurred to me to look for this kind of place. It did make a certain amount of sense, though. If Mary Kay didn’t have the exact shade of eye shadow I wanted, I could have just had Rocky apply the permanent version.

Being a small business owner in a struggling town can’t be easy. In spite of snarky comments from traveling writers, may they all live long and prosper.

Categories: Travel | Tags: , | 2 Comments

Baby of the Woods

When he grows up, he's probably going to be the kind of Christmas shopper who buys all his gifts just as the stores are closing on Christmas Eve.

Sylvan Lawrence, due a few days before Christmas, didn't make his appearance until December 28.

To be fair, his late arrival wasn't for lack of trying on his part. He spent more than two weeks working at being born, giving his parents a series of "this has to be the real thing" false alarms. But since he was facing forward instead of backward, he wasn't in the best position to complete the journey. It finally took induced labor, a very hard night's work by his mom with serious help from his dad, and the assistance of an intimidating but effective vacuum pump to get him here.

But he made it. He's healthy and eating and growing, and he's still looking face forward at the world. We're not sure whether he approves of it, though. He resembles Winston Churchill even more than most newborns do—mostly because of the "don't bother me, I'm thinking" scowl that he shares with the great man. Fortunately, so far, no one has given him a cigar.

He's grandchild number 13, but the first one to live within spoiling distance. Not, as any of the older grandkids would probably tell you, that I am a spoiling kind of grandma. I plan to take Sylvan hiking up Harney Peak as soon as he's sufficiently ambulatory, but he's going to have to carry his own lunch.

His name, chosen by his parents because of their love of the Black Hills, means "someone who lives in the woods." As the child of actors, he'll probably be on stage at the Black Hills Playhouse before he hits his first birthday. Given those two factors, it's a good bet that the kid will spend his teenage years in a windowless basement playing video games and will grow up to be an engineer.

But given his forward-looking perspective, he may well invent or create or discover wonderful things that no one has even considered yet. Of course, in common with many other visionaries, he'll probably continue to need a little help with the practical details. Like having someone around to take care of the vacuuming.

Categories: Family | 2 Comments

The True Christmas Spirit

We moved the Christmas party this year. Having outgrown the hunting lodge where we've been meeting, we held our annual family Christmas weekend in a new location.
It gave us a chance to explore a different environment and enjoy some new activities.

On Saturday morning, we woke up to the sound of rain on the roof. Later in the day, after the sun came out, several of us went for a long walk on the beach. We skipped stones across the water, followed animal tracks, and browsed the shingle for flotsam and fossils.

Meanwhile, another group went off in a different direction to explore the local landscape and do some serious bird-watching.

A few serious partiers were up late on Saturday night, listening to the singing of a local band and making some noise themselves.

Wait a minute. This doesn't sound like a typical white Christmas in South Dakota. Did we blow years of family tradition, not to mention all our family budgets, by taking ourselves off to the Caribbean or the Gulf of Mexico?

Not exactly. We were in the Buryanek Bay Bunkhouse, close to the Missouri River just off Highway 44. But everything I've stated so far is absolutely true.
I just forgot to mention a few details.

The gentle rain left sidewalks, parking lots, our cars, and even the gravelly beach glazed with ice. The walk on the beach, in the face of a sharp north wind, featured mittens, winter coats, and long johns rather than swimsuits. The tracks we followed were in snow, and the stones skipped across the water so well because they were bouncing off thin sheets of ice near the shore.

The birders, of course, were out with shotguns rather than binoculars, hunting wild turkeys.

The late-night partying featured the music of a local band of coyotes. From the volume of their singing, they were only a few yards down the hill from our lodge, and they sang rather more encores than anyone requested.

Most of the partiers singing along to the coyotes didn't have the full appreciation of their audiences, either, since it was long past their bedtimes. These revelers were some of the five great-grandkids that were aged three and younger. It's too bad we couldn't have given them their own room and let them party.

As the family members who are attorneys, engineers, or parents of young children can appreciate, it's the details that make the difference between the truth and the whole truth.

But details aside, we enjoyed spending time with the people we love.
And that, truly, is what Christmas is about.

Categories: Family | Leave a comment

A Green Christmas

Buying Christmas gifts for out-of-town family members means shopping, wrapping, packing, and shipping. What's the biggest obstacle in this whole process?

Not deciding what to get for people, though admittedly that has its challenges. At least it can be done while seated comfortably in my chair with a notebook and a pen.

Not even the actual shopping, even though I tend to panic in crowds, I hate spending money, and I run out of patience and energy after about 30 minutes in the average mall. As long as I have a plan and a list, I can manage the shopping if I limit myself to short expeditions, remember to breathe, and eat enough chocolate.

Not the wrapping, either. Wrapping gifts after the shopping is finished is a little like cleaning pheasants after a successful hunt. It's kind of messy, and the process itself isn't a lot of fun, but there's the satisfaction of seeing the spoils of the hunt collected in one place.

Come to think of it, "spoils" isn't a bad description of the results of my gift wrapping. In part it seems silly to spend a lot of time and energy creating beautiful packages just so people can rip them open. In part I'm simply elegance-challenged. People who love me have learned by now that the odd lumpy packages with the torn corners and the crooked tape are from me. People who love me seem to open those packages with enthusiasm anyway.

The biggest challenge in getting gifts ready to ship is finding cardboard boxes. Even if you save boxes over the year just for this purpose, and even if you can remember where you stored them, they aren't going to be the right size.

Solving this problem means a trip to the park. Rapid City has a recycling pickup point there, where we take our glass, plastic, metal, newspapers, and cardboard. My primary source for shipping boxes is the big container for the cardboard. It's about the size of a medium truck box. A series of openings, about two feet wide by three feet high, line the top half of the container on either side.

If you're lucky, the container is more than half empty when you're taking boxes to recycle and more than half full when you're looking for boxes to recycle. Yesterday, I wasn't lucky. Reaching any boxes was going to involve leaning into the container at a dangerous angle, reaching as far as possible, being grateful to have gorilla arms, and hoping not to fall in.

Another woman had opened an access panel on her side of the container just as I looked in on my side. I asked her, "What size boxes do you have?" Unfortunately, hers were long and skinny, not at all what I needed.

I went back to leaning and reaching.
She grinned at me. "Go ahead, hop in," she said. "Do you need some help?"

About that time, I was able to get my fingers on the corner of a box that looked about the right size. Under it was another one that would also do. So I didn't need her help, which may have been just as well. Relying on the kindness of a stranger to get out of a steel recycling container might not have been wise.

But I thanked her anyway, truly grateful both for her offer and for the fact that I didn't need it. We went our separate ways, having each done our small parts in the great circle of recycling and added to the holiday spirit by wishing each other Merry Christmas.

There's nothing like a little dumpster-diving to put the "green" in the Christmas season.

Categories: Odds and Ends | 1 Comment

30-Second Wisdom, With a Little Help from the Dalai Lama

If you had 30 seconds to share one bit of wisdom with every person in the world, what would you say?

This was a Table Topics question at Toastmasters the other day. Table Topics are opportunities for randomly chosen victims—er, participants—to give impromptu talks. They are wonderful learning experiences and great preparation for a wide range of situations from job interviews to holiday parties. This, no doubt, is why most members of Toastmasters anticipate them with such pleasure. Well, except for the 95% or so who anticipate them with dread.

Anyway, back to the question. Now that I've had a few days to ponder, I know how I would answer it.

First, a little background. One day a new member of our club, about to give her first evaluation of another member's speech, asked me for advice. I gave her a few suggestions and finally just said, "Be honest, but kind."

She was both. Her evaluation was gentle, precise, helpful, and encouraging. I was impressed—if I had known my advice was that good, I'd have been using it more often myself.

Now, I try to do just that. So here's what I would tell the world in 30 seconds:

"Be honest, but kind. That way you respect yourself as well as others. Also follow this suggestion from the Dalai Lama: 'Our greatest duty is to help others. And please, if you can't help them, could you please not hurt them?'"

(Actually, that only takes 20 seconds, which leaves plenty of room for a few "ums" and "ahs.")

Some days, "not hurting them" is a lot harder than it might seem. But just think about the world we would live in if everyone simply made an effort to do no harm.

There's my 30-second wisdom for the week. What's yours?

Categories: Living Consciously | 3 Comments

Slamming the Door on an Era

The fishing fly was startling to strangers.

It had spent years hooked into the front screen door in a strategic spot, looking like a fuzzy insect a bit the worse for wear which had happened to land there just in time to look you in the eye as you stepped up to the door. It served as a conversation starter for numerous political campaigners, missionaries, door-to-door solicitors, and first-time visitors.

The screen door was so old it was made entirely out of wood. It was so old it could be slammed instead of shutting with the dignified whoosh of modern doors equipped with hydraulic closers.
It was also old enough so that replacing the torn screen would have been a project. Old enough so that wrapping the screen with plastic wasn't enough to keep out winter drafts.

Old enough, finally, to need replaced. We went and bought a shiny new combination screen and storm door with insulation, thermal window panes, and the latest and greatest thing—a "disappearing screen" that rolls up into the top.

A door that, supposedly, would be easy to hang. Just line it up, drill a few holes, put in a few screws, install the latch and closer, and adjust the handy little extender at the bottom to make it fit well. The step-by-step directions, complete with drawings, were in real English and quite clear.

Even the part in the beginning that read, "The door opening must be perfectly square."

This house was built in the 1950's. It was moved to this site after Rapid City's disastrous flood in 1970. It was well-built to begin with, but at this stage in its life, nothing about it is perfectly square. The door was surprisingly close, actually, with only about a quarter of an inch difference from the top to the bottom. Then there was the small matter of the top of the door frame being out of plumb, as if it were leaning back slightly toward the inside of the house. Probably to keep warm, since the screen door wasn't doing much to keep out the drafts.

Still, all those little imprecisions didn't seem to be that big a problem. We forged ahead in blissful ignorance.

Even with a scientist partner who is the kind of person who measures twice and cuts once, hanging the door turned into more of a project than either the salesman or the instructions had implied. Directions were read and reread. Holes were drilled. Shims were used. Adjustments were made.

We started early in the afternoon. By the time darkness fell, the door was hung, all right. Think "horse thief" rather than "construction" and you'd get the general idea.
It wasn't straight from top to bottom. It didn't line up from side to side. It didn't align against the frame. These minor details were discouraging. The $100 the store would have charged for installation was starting to seem like a bargain.

On the positive side, however, no swearing or throwing of tools had taken place. And I had discovered my true talent when it comes to carpentry—holding the flashlight.

The next step was not printed in the directions, but it was clear nevertheless. Obviously, the only thing to do was temporarily abandon the project and go have dinner.

The next day, we consulted a friend who has tools, skills, and genuine carpentry experience. He looked at our handiwork. He very courteously made no disparaging comments. He analyzed. He made suggestions. He adjusted here. He shimmed there.

And now we have a fully installed new storm door. It has a latch. It has a closer. It lines up quite nicely. It keeps out the drafts.

The only thing missing is the fly. You just can't leave a fuzzy object an inch long hooked to a disappearing screen.

The missionaries and solicitors are going to be so disappointed.

Categories: Odds and Ends | 2 Comments

Feminist, Pregnant, and In the Kitchen

Forty years of feminism, and it all comes down to this?

My daughter, eight-plus months pregnant. In her kitchen, cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Barefoot, yet. At least until her feet got tired and cold. In South Dakota in November, one can only carry a cliché so far.

Is this what all those women back in the 60's and 70's protested for? Insisted on being called Ms. for? Pushed their way into law schools and med schools and men-only organizations for?

Well, yes, as a matter of fact. Because feminism is about being respected and having choices. On this particular Thanksgiving Day, cooking the holiday meal was what my daughter wanted to do. Being a loving mother, I graciously allowed her to. Anything for her. Especially anything that would keep me out of the kitchen.

Cooking has always been something I do for love. Not love of the culinary process, though—love of the family needing to be fed. My aim is to put a reasonably healthy meal on the table as quickly as possible, get out of the kitchen, and move on to more interesting things. That attitude is most likely the reason for what I've always seen as one of my parenting failures: not teaching the kids to cook.

In my defense, I did give each of them some sort of basic cookbook when they were brand-new adults. Despite my bad example, most of them have actually used those cookbooks. (Betty Crocker's classic was open on my daughter's counter yesterday.) They also use the Internet, of course. They've even, in occasional scraping-the-bottom-of-the-barrel moments, called me for advice. None of them, or their kids, have starved to death yet.

Thanksgiving Dinner was scrumptious. Somewhere around the third bite of my daughter's delicious made-from-scratch key lime pie, I decided to stop feeling guilty about letting the kids figure out cooking on their own. They seem to have managed it perfectly well.

Even more important, they've all married spouses who share the household responsibilities. My daughter's husband, who does most of the everyday cooking at their house, pointed out quite truthfully, "Without me, she would eat like a bachelor."

If that isn't feminism at its finest, I'll eat another piece of key lime pie.

Categories: Family, Food and Drink | 2 Comments

A Dozen and Counting

It's incredible that a perfect human being can come in such a miniature package. But there she is, complete in every detail right down to fingernails, toenails, and eyelashes. Kendall Kathryn, grandchild number twelve.

I was fortunate enough to get to meet her when she was only eight days old, and it occurred to me as I was watching her sleep on my lap that she may be the tiniest baby I've ever had the privilege of holding. Her six pounds and five ounces, while certainly a normal and healthy weight, was downright petite compared to her cousins. Most of the rest of the dozen tipped the scales at eight or nine or even ten pounds.

Kendall is a dainty little person, with long slender fingers and narrow feet. Her head, with its delicate tracery of brownish hair, is too small for even her newborn sized hats. She seems much too tiny to hold her own in a household that includes a lively big brother and two opinionated beagles.

So far, her brother, just past babyhood himself, seems to find her mildly intriguing but not all that significant. No doubt he'll show a lot more interest when she gets old enough to pull his hair and grab his toys.

The dogs tend to regard her with a similar mild curiosity. One of them, the nervous type, has already conceded her superior position after she scared him into submission by getting the hiccups. The other one, whose heart is reachable via a direct line through her stomach, will become a devoted follower as soon as the baby is old enough to drop edible bits onto the floor.

She may be tiny, but my guess is that Kendall will more than hold her own. Her dark blue eyes are direct and clear, and there's a firm chin beneath her dainty mouth. Big brother Jack and the beagles had better make room for her. Kendall is clearly an alpha baby.

Categories: Family | 3 Comments

Keeping the Cows Moving

One day years ago, in the middle of a busy day of working cattle, my father had to make a quick trip to town for more vaccine. He had been roping calves, so in addition to his usual boots and his battered cowboy hat, he was wearing his leather chaps and his spurs.

He parked the pickup on Main Street near the veterinarian’s office, went in, and got the vaccine. While he was there, he also picked up a new rope. As he was headed back to the pickup, he met a young mom and her little boy, who was about three or four.

The little kid looked at my dad. His eyes got bigger and bigger as they went from the boots and the spurs, to the chaps, to the coiled lariat, and up to the cowboy hat. He said, "Wow! Are you a real cowboy?"

My dad chuckled. He said, "Well, not really. But I reckon I can keep the cows moving till one comes along."

Actually, he was a real cowboy. To this day, he has the scars and broken bones to prove it. He wasn't always lucky enough to have a crew of real cowhands, though. Sometimes he had to make do with the help at hand: his four daughters.

We didn’t always do things exactly in the proper cowboy way. It’s hard to wrestle a calf to the ground with flair and style when it weighs more than you do; we had to gang up on them. But we could help sort calves and keep the cows moving through the chute. My youngest sister could keep an accurate tally in a notebook when she was just barely old enough to read. And we were good at rounding up the cattle and bringing them in from the pasture. We knew that real cowboying was often done at a walk, not the dramatic galloping seen in the movies. We knew how to keep the cows moving in the direction they were supposed to go.

True, we were just kids. But we were willing, eager, and enthusiastic because we didn't see working cattle as a chore. We though it was fun. We did it strictly as an amateur production, with more enthusiasm than expertise and a lot of on-the-job training.

Which, if you think about it, is also true of a lot of the stuff we do in our lives. Like growing up. Getting jobs. Getting married. Having kids. We go through all sorts of unexpected trials and adventures, joys and losses.

We’re amateurs at all of it. Nobody is handing out instruction manuals. About the time we think we have life figured out, something new pops up, and we're back at the beginning again, without a clue.

I used to believe a time would come when I would become a real, certified grownup. After that, I imagined, I would have all the answers and know exactly what to do.

Fat chance. I'm still waiting. What I've finally figured out, though, is that being a real grownup doesn't mean having all the answers. It doesn't even mean knowing all the questions. It just means being willing to proceed with the task at hand anyway.

It means you don't wait around for the "real" cowboys” to show up. You just keep the cows moving. And if you're really lucky, you think it's fun.

Categories: Family, Remembering When | 3 Comments

Halloween Treats: The Good, The Bad, and the Left Over

I was told this week that the origins of Halloween go back some 6000 years. I have no idea whether that's true, but it certainly explains why some of that candy is so stale.

The dilemma of buying Halloween candy is always whether to get some you like so you can eat what's left over, or whether to get some you don't like so you won't eat what's left over.

Or whether to get the cheapest junk you can find, which not even the kids like. Like those individually wrapped bits of sugar and corn starch with a vaguely toffee-like consistency that tend to show up months later as petrified little lumps in the dusty corners underneath the kids' beds.

Or candy corn. It is mildly decorative, I suppose, and will keep for weeks in a candy dish—mostly because even kids will only eat it when it's the only sweet stuff left in the house. As a child, the only reason I found to eat it all was for the entertainment value. The process was first to bite off the white tip, trying to sever it precisely without leaving any white behind; then to nibble off the broad yellow end, and then finally to gobble down the boring orange part in the middle.

We didn't go Trick or Treating when I was a kid, so we missed spending the first week of November glazed over in a sugar high. Most of my experience with Halloween candy came later, second-hand from my own kids. I would dutifully look through the candy like responsible parents were supposed to do, supposedly checking for hidden threats or active health hazards but mostly conducting an inventory of the dark chocolate.

I usually asked each kid for a "donation" of one piece of chocolate, which they gave graciously. A couple of them (you know who you are, and yes, your names are spelled right in the will) even were generous enough to offer more than one.

Where we live now, on a dead-end road in a house that's a long, dark driveway away from the street, we tend not to get Trick or Treaters. Since the neighborhood is changing, with several young families recently moving in, I did buy candy this year and leave the porch light on, just in case. No little vampires or princesses or super-heroes rang the doorbell, though.

Oh, well. Dealing with the leftover candy is a huge responsibility, but sometimes a woman's got to do what a woman's got to do. Especially when she was smart enough to buy M&M's instead of candy corn.

Categories: Food and Drink | 2 Comments

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