Author Archives: Kathleen Fox

A Good Day To Be Alive

Sunday was a good day, because we didn't die.

It happened not long after we had crossed the state line from Nebraska into Colorado. As always, I smiled at the incongruity of the plain brown sign reading "Welcome to Colorful Colorado." We were traveling south on Highway 71, about 30 miles north of Brush.

The cold January day was the first of our planned two-day trip from South Dakota to New Mexico. Visibility, under low clouds and light snow, was about half a mile. When we passed a newly built wind farm, the tall windmills loomed eerily out of the clouds and snow like landing towers for alien spacecraft.

The road was what the weather service would have probably described as "snow packed and slippery." Mindful of the conditions, we were driving at about 50 miles an hour.

Suddenly the rear wheels lost traction. The back of the car slued to the right, then to the left and back to the right. We slid sideways across the width of the road and into the left side ditch, bounced up a steep five- or six-foot bank, spun around without hitting the four-strand barbed wire fence at the top of the bank, and stopped. We were facing back toward the highway, with the nose of the car at the edge of a 10- or 12-foot dropoff.

At least that's how the driver explained it to me after the fact. At the time, all I knew was that one second I was twisted in my seat, rummaging for the bottle of V-8 juice on the floor behind me, and the next second my partner had shouted something like, "Hang on!" and we were sliding sideways. The car was jolting from side to side, all I could see was snow, my head thumped against the side window, my knee hit the front console, and my contact lenses were slipping sideways so I clamped my eyes shut to keep them in place. Then we were stopped, which felt wonderful until I looked out my window and saw how close we were to the edge of a steep bank.

We sat still for a few seconds, then asked each other, "Are you all right?" and decided we both were. We sat for a few moments more and watched our fingers shake as adrenaline flooded our bodies and gratitude flooded our minds. I said, with what seemed to me great calm, "We need to back very slowly away from the edge."

He answered, "Oh, I was just going to drive straight back down." I hoped he was trying to be funny. At any rate, he backed up, drove along the bank to a lower spot, and pulled back onto the highway.

Had the skid happened a few seconds later, we might have slid into the pickup that was approaching from the south. A few seconds earlier, we might have gone off the road at the top of a steep ditch and rolled. A couple of seconds longer, and we would have dived nose-first down the steep bank to the road below.

Those few seconds might have changed our lives forever or even ended them. They didn't. The particular arrangement of circumstances at that particular time and place didn't leave us jammed into a smashed SUV with crushed legs, battered faces, or fractured skulls. We were merely shaken, not shattered. Even our vehicle was left without a scratch or dent, though with a slight wobble about the right front wheel and a souvenir bunch of dry prairie grass caught in the back bumper.

We drove—slowly—on to Brush through the increasing snow and decreasing visibility. After eight or ten miles, our fingers had nearly stopped shaking. We checked ourselves into a motel. We went for a walk through the snow to exercise the adrenaline out of our systems.

The next morning, under frigid sunshine, we had the car checked and the wheels aligned. Then we drove on south, slowly, carefully, and gratefully.

It was a wonderful day to be alive.

Categories: Living Consciously, Travel | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Lies My Grandma Told Me

Would a church-going, God-fearing, hardworking and respectable woman, who frowned on liquor, playing cards, and gambling, tell lies to her grandchildren?

Darned right she would.

Okay, okay, "lies" is a little strong. But by now, as a more or less respectable grandmother myself, it's clear that some of the things Grandma used to tell us weren't always purely and wholly the truth.

For instance, "A lazy tailor takes a long thread." I never did understand that one, and I still don't quite get it. As a novice seamstress, needing to hem a skirt or struggling with the embroidery I never could learn to like, it seemed efficient rather than lazy to arm my needle with a generous length of thread. Fewer knots to tie, less time wasted stopping to rethread the needle—what was the problem?

Of course, there was that small matter of the thread sometimes being longer than my arm, so I couldn't pull it tight in one smooth motion. I'd have to drop the needle, grab the thread with my fingers, pull it the rest of the way through, then scrabble around for the needle again so I could repeat the whole enterprise. Then there were the times the long thread got tangled up in itself and made such a mess of knots that the only recourse was to snip the whole thing off with the scissors and start over.

It's possible, I suppose, that these little "efficiencies" wasted more time than I would have spent rethreading the needle two or three times. So maybe Grandma wasn't exactly lying with that one.

Then there was, "You're leaving the best part." She would say this as she'd retrieve from one of our plates the fat off a piece of roast beef, or the skin, or, most disgustingly, even the tail of a roasted chicken.

Ewww! Gross! And I still think so.

Of course, unlike Grandma, I never had to keep ten children fed on a dust-blown farm during the 1930's. I'm sure there were times in her life when every scrap of protein, down to the fat and skin, was precious. Being the mother, of course, and the kind of person she was, Grandma would have routinely picked out the worse pieces for herself.

Maybe over the years she had genuinely persuaded herself that the portions no self-respecting well-fed child would touch were the "best parts." Or maybe she had just pretended to like them for so long that it was a habit too deep to break. Since she lived to be 97, apparently this didn't do her any harm. But I do hope that once in a while, in her later years, she went ahead and took the breast of the chicken instead of the neck and the back.

Another of Grandma's admonitions was, "Eat your bread crusts—it will make your hair curly."

I dutifully used to eat my bread crusts. I still do. Actually, I rather like the crusts, at least on good, fresh homemade bread. But after all these years and all those crusts, my hair is still as straight as it was back when I was in high school and never had to iron it to get that fashionable wannabe hippie look.

Grandma ate all her crusts, of course, and sometimes ours as well. Had I been paying closer attention as a teenager, I might have realized the truth back then. Sometimes I would comb and braid Grandma's hair. Her long hair, gray by then, fine and smooth—and absolutely straight.

About the bread crusts, Grandma just plain lied.

Categories: Remembering When | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

Baby New Year

Poor Baby New Year. Showing up in just a diaper and that little "Happy New Year" sash across its chest, it's going to be one freezing infant. In our part of the country, at least, it's arriving to subzero temperatures, wind, and snow. Someone really ought to replace that sash with a nice warm snowsuit.

One of the family gifts this Christmas was a CD with a collection of old and new family pictures scanned from various albums. One of my three sisters, with contributions from our mother, also created a book of pictures and stories about the four of us.

Both of these treasured collections include a photo of me, age six months, dressed—or rather undressed—in nothing but a diaper and a sash proclaiming "1952." Given my chubby belly and my round head with the barest beginnings of hair, nobody would mistake me for Miss America instead of Baby New Year.

I assume my scanty attire was temporary and that I wore a lot more than a sash for most of my first winter, because it was a cold year with memorable blizzards. For my parents, living in a tiny trailer with no plumbing or electricity, being snowed in with a baby and a three-year-old probably lost its appeal in a hurry. My father would ride horseback to one of the neighbors who lived on the gravel road, then go to town with them to get groceries.

Judging by the way it's starting out, this coming year might also bring heavy snow and blizzards. With our paved roads, four-wheel drives, improved weather forecasts, and all the rest of our 21st Century technology, we tend to think we're immune from the old-fashioned consequences of bad weather. Maybe so. But staying stocked up on groceries and library books, as well as keeping the woodpile stacked high, seems like a good idea just in case.

In that 1952 photo, my expression is willing but a little confused. It seems appropriate for an infant year on its first public appearance, since we can't ever know what that new year will bring. 

But it's here, and so are we. Maybe, on this cold winter day, that's all we need to know. Happy New Year!

Categories: Remembering When | Tags: , , , , | 1 Comment

The Gifts That Keep On Giving

The family Christmas get-together. Twenty-nine people, ranging in age from a few months to more than a few decades, gathered in a hunting lodge for the weekend.

Meals, with everyone contributing food and cooking and cleaning up. Story-telling around the tables. Board games. Card games. Puzzles.

Dedicated late-night putters together of puzzles. Equally dedicated early-morning deer hunters. Getting acquainted with the newest members of the family, both the "born to" and the "marrying into" variety.

And gifts. Gag gifts one evening, serious gifts the next. Many of them were hand-made, including a few (naming no names, but you know who you are) that were finished in the car on the way to the party.

As always, the most lasting gifts are the intangible ones: the stories, the laughter, and the memories.

Not to mention the germs. There's nothing like a few days of sneezing, sniffling, coughing, and aching to make you fully appreciate your family. It's truly a gift that keeps on giving.

A few of us are choosing to blame it on the baby, since he's too young to defend himself. But it could have been anyone. Thanks a lot, whoever it was. Merry Christmas to you, and all of your germs.

And wait till you see what's in your stocking next year.

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The Case of the Curious Sciurus

"Squirrels are amazing climbers." I know this statement is true, because I saw it on a poster in my granddaughter's room.

She had done a fourth-grade research project on squirrels, which according to the poster are among her favorite animals. She has plenty of opportunity to study them first-hand, living as she does in a neighborhood where oak trees spread a lavish squirrel-friendly buffet of acorns on every street corner.

I also know the statement is true because I have seen it myself. A squirrel can scamper up the post to our second-floor deck and dash across the railing to the bird feeder faster than you can say, "That bushy-tailed little varmint is out there again!"

Squirrels are amazing eaters, too. In only a few minutes, the one that raids our bird feeder can stuff its furry little face with enough sunflower seeds to have fed the chickadees and finches for a week. For a critter without opposable thumbs, it is certainly efficient at shoveling in the calories.

The family name for squirrels, sciurus, comes from the Greek words skia, or shadow, and oura, or tail. A squirrel, then, is a creature who sits in the shadow of its own tail.

Our bird-seed pillager, however, would need a little hair-weaving or at least some serious backcombing before its tail could cast a broad enough shadow to cover it. We have a photo of the squirrel, taken from behind as it crouches at the feeder. The only possible caption for the picture is, "Does this winter coat make my backside look big?"

An honest answer would be, "Yes, it certainly does. You're well-fed, squirrel. Face it, you're fat. Why don't you put yourself on a low-carb diet? I'm sure the Atkins plan for arboreal overeaters would work well for you. By the way, it doesn't allow any stolen sunflower seeds."

To the frustrated owner of the bird feeder and buyer of the vanishing sunflower seeds, this has become war. He already captured a previous munching moocher in a humane trap and hauled it off to a different part of town. It was a sweet victory—at least until two days later, when the replacement squirrel and current occupant showed up.

The trap is back out on the deck. By request, I even brought home a bag of acorns to serve as bait when I came back from a recent visit to the grandkids. So far, it hasn't worked. The squirrel seems to be more interested in sunflower seeds than acorns. Which makes sense, after all; they're probably much easier to shell.

But when he does catch the squirrel, maybe we could ship it off to my granddaughter. I'm sure her parents would believe us if we said it came from Santa Claus.

Categories: Wild Things | Tags: , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Jingle Bells, Christmas Socks, and Hot Cross Buns

The concert was one of the fringe benefits of staying with the grandkids for a couple of days. It's been so long since I attended one that had almost forgotten how much fun an elementary school Christmas program could be. (Oops—excuse me—holiday program—just a momentary slip into political incorrectness there.)

This particular performance featured the fourth and fifth grade band, orchestra, and chorus. Unfortunately, then, we missed some of the classic school program highlights: first-graders waving enthusiastically at Mom and Dad, second-graders forgetting to sing, and kindergarteners picking their noses or making wardrobe adjustments in the front row.

Still, there was plenty to enjoy. For one thing, we got a glimpse "backstage," as it were, being entertained before the performance by the necessary preliminaries. Girls—decked out in party dresses, shiny shoes, and hair ornaments—admired one another's outfits, giggled, and whispered. Boys—decked out in clean shirts—did their best to look cool and blasé instead of scared to death. Kids held their instruments high and flashed brace-enhanced grins while proud parents took pictures. Rows of violins and violas lined up for tuning up by the orchestra teacher.

Then the show was on. The first number by the band, all of whom had just begun learning their instruments at the start of this school year, was "Hot Cross Buns." I remember it well from back in the days when my kids were starting school band; evidently the curriculum hasn't changed much. Then came the obligatory "Jingle Bells." It was note-perfect, with four rows of fourth- and fifth-grade feet tapping in precise if slightly ponderous rhythm.

Half a dozen of the band kids had the unbelievable self-confidence to perform solos. One of them was a tall, slender girl with elegant cheekbones and a serious expression who played "My Favorite Things" on the marimba. Making a couple of mistakes didn't set her back; she kept her focus, finished with a flourish, and finally gave us a big smile that appeared to be a mixture of triumph and relief.

Next up was the chorus, whose members were in tune, polished, and obviously enjoying themselves. At the finale of their featured number, something called "Christmas Sock Rock," each kid tossed a pair of socks into the air and let them land helter-skelter in front of the stage. Their skill at this was hardly surprising, since no doubt all of them had practiced it at home for years.

The fourth-grade orchestra, beginners all, were naturally a little wobbly about the high notes. They all, however, were intent on their music and taking their instrumental responsibilities quite seriously.

I was pleased to note that both my granddaughter the violist and my granddaughter the violinist were among the most focused. That probably means more concerts in their future—and, if I'm lucky, in mine.

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“Don’t Ask Grandma–She Won’t Say Yes, Either.”

Grandma lived with us when my sisters and I were growing up. That's definitely the way we would have phrased it. We didn't live with Grandma, she lived with us. She was an important and integral part of the family, to be sure, but she was clearly the extra adult rather than the person in charge.

Her downstairs bedroom was her special place, where she had family pictures on the walls, sat in her rocking chair with her crocheting, and kept her stash of Hershey bars that she shared with the little girls at snack time twice a day. (My two younger sisters learned to tell time by those candy bars—they knew exactly when the clock showed 10:00 and 3:00.)

Three generations sharing a house doesn't seem to be as common these days as it used to be. The fact that Grandma lived with us wasn't anything remarkable at the time. It may have been a bit unusual in one respect—the house we all lived in had been hers for more than 20 years before we moved in. After my grandfather was killed by a drunk driver, my parents moved to and later bought the farm where my mother had grown up.

As a kid, of course, I didn't pay much attention to any of this. Now, though, as a grandmother who has been widowed myself, I wonder. What was it like for Grandma, suddenly widowed at age 65, to step aside and turn her home over to her daughter? What was it like to become the third adult in the family, the backup disciplinarian, the supportive second in the house where she had been in charge? How hard must that have been?

I don't remember any conflict between my mother and my grandmother, any power struggles over rearranging furniture or arguments over whether to put up new wallpaper in the living room. I don't remember difficulties over discipline—while Grandma was somewhat indulgent with the two youngest, we four girls all knew that her word was just as much law as that of our parents. That game of playing one adult against another never did work at our house.

True, I tended to be an oblivious child whose nose was usually buried in a book rather than poking into someone else's business, so maybe I missed a few things. Maybe the arguments did take place, in low voices after the kids were in bed.

But I don't think so. I think my grandmother had the courage to step aside and relinquish her primary position willingly and with grace. I think my parents, in turn, treated her with love and respect. It can't have always been easy, but together they made it work for all of us.

It worked for more than 30 years. Grandma lived to be 97, only moving to a nursing home in the last few months of her life. All of them must have done something right.

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A What In a Pear Tree?

In what may have been a kind attempt to bring inspiration to the décor-challenged, one of my friends invited me to go with her to the Festival of Trees last weekend. This is an annual fundraiser for a local organization, where creative people decorate trees and other Christmas decorations to be displayed and then sold. Besides the trees, there are gingerbread houses, seasonal music, and an array of wonderful homemade treats like pumpkin pie and brownies. It was fun.

It was also enlightening. All the lights worked on every single tree. The ornaments were distributed evenly instead of being bunched at the eye level of the youngest decorators. Colors were coordinated. Entire sets of matching ornaments appeared to be intact. I didn't see a single tree with a homemade gingerbread ornament that a small child had taken a bite out of. (Even though crucial dental-matching evidence was lost when the culprit's baby teeth fell out, we still know who did it.)

Several of the trees were decorated around specific themes. One was hung with small toys and game pieces, including Scrabble tiles strung together to form words. It was a cute idea that would certainly fit certain members of my family. Of course, playing Scrabble at the Christmas get-together might be a bit of a challenge if half the tiles were hanging on the tree. Maybe we could just make ornaments out of the Q, the X, and the Z.

The most unique tree in the display was the one with an "outdoor sportsman" theme. I can't remember whether it had camouflage ribbon and shotgun-shell ornaments, though it certainly should have. I rather think not—just ornaments in earthy outdoor colors with subtle accents in blaze orange. Maybe the average fabric store doesn't carry a lot of camouflage ribbon.

Appropriately enough for South Dakota, the tree featured pheasant feathers. Long tail feathers stuck out from the branches at random intervals, with a bunch of them clustered near the top. This may have been intended to look like a star, but to my unsophisticated eye the total effect was more like the way my stepson's hair used to look when he first got out of bed in the morning.

The pheasant theme was carried further with several pheasant-feather mounts that presumably were borrowed from a local taxidermist. It might have worked better had these been full mounted birds. True, a pheasant is rather large to perch in the branches of an artificial spruce tree, but at least there would have been some resemblance to living roosters.

Instead, these were flat—just the pelts, as seen from the top, with the heads sort of squashed into the feathers. Admittedly, it was realistic. A rooster pheasant can end up looking exactly like that if he hangs out in the middle of the highway and dares an oncoming semi to get out of his way.

The flattened pheasants reminded me of another decoration I saw earlier this fall. It was a witch and her broom smashed against a tree trunk, along with a cautionary sign: Don't text and fly. For Halloween, it was funny. For Christmas, you might say it fell a little flat.

But it did give a whole new meaning to the term "flocked" Christmas tree.

Categories: Just For Fun | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

Robert Frost Didn’t Stop By These Woods

It's amazing what some people do in the woods.

The Black Hills National Forest is a multiple-use area, and on a shirt-sleeve warm Sunday afternoon in November it was certainly being used.

We were out there on serious business having to do with geology. Well, one of us was. The other, while willing to keep an eye out for the occasional outcrop or carry the rock hammer now and then, was just there for the hiking.

Pretty much everybody else was out on ATV's. We saw several family parties—Mom and Dad on the front seat of a four-wheeler, with two or three little kids squeezed into the back. There were a few hunters, in blaze orange caps and vests, with gun cases across their laps. There were a few hot-rodders whose goals seemed to be speeding over the bone-rattling trails as fast as they could go.

With all these vehicles buzzing up and down the narrow gravel road and dirt trails, walking in the woods wasn't exactly a deep wilderness experience. Not surprisingly, perhaps, we didn't see a single deer all day. We did meet one hunter, though, walking alertly through the trees with her rifle at the ready. She was obviously an optimist; in the unlikely event she did see a deer in the crowded woods, we hoped she was also an accurate shot.

Then there were the intrepid hill climbers on mud-spattered ATVs, with winches and ropes and tire repair kits. A group of them came up behind us in a narrow canyon, announcing their presence with a low rumble that increased to an ominous growl as they came closer.

We moved to the side of the trail, which suddenly seemed much too narrow. I alternated between apprehensive glances over my shoulder and checking the sides of the canyon for possible places to climb out.

But they were the ones looking for a place to climb. They stopped at the bottom of a slope that was almost a staircase of rocks. The lead rider, on his ATV painted with skull designs, took off his menacing full-face helmet and turned into a polite young Air Force sergeant. He pointed out to us the exact rock he had landed on when he had tried this climb earlier in the day and flipped his vehicle.

He made it this time, and so did his friends. Each four-wheeler crawled up onto the first ledge at just the right spot to avoid getting hung up on the big rock in the middle, jumped sideways at just the right angle to make it to the second level, then growled on up between rocks that a mountain mule might have balked at. It was impressive. It was amazing to watch. Personally, though, I'd feel safer on a mule.

We went out again the following Sunday, not in shirtsleeves this time but in warm coats, heavy gloves, and long underwear. It was 31 degrees and snowing. Oddly enough, we had the silent, peaceful woods to ourselves.

Categories: Just For Fun, Wild Things | Tags: , , , , , | Leave a comment

When It’s Springtime In Alaska . . .

. . . they may still be counting votes.

The ballots are still being counted in the Alaska Senate race. I already know, however, who really is winning. Or maybe who really is losing.

English teachers and editors.

After incumbent Senator Lisa Murkowski lost the Republican primary to Joe Miller, she close to run in the general election as a write-in candidate. Miller got some 82,000 votes, around 34% of the total. Over 92,000 voters, about 40%, cast write-in votes. Yes, there was a Democrat in the race as well. The one thing that's clear about the election results is that he lost with his 24%.

Presumably, most of the write-in votes are for Murkowski, which could make her the winner. But people could have voted for their ex-spouses, their former mayors, themselves, or their dogs. All 92,000 of the write-in ballots have to be counted, by hand. Observers for both candidates are looking over the counters' shoulders, eager to pounce on the smallest irregularities.

The Miller campaign, of course, has a strong incentive to throw out as many ballots as possible. They're challenging write-in votes on any pretext they can find. For all I know, that includes smudges, fingerprints, coloring outside the lines, or using the wrong writing implement. A permanent marker, maybe, or a "Passionate Petunia" lipstick, rather than a blue pen or that old-fashioned standby of standardized tests, the number 2 pencil.

Most of the challenges, though, are for spelling. Apparently some of them are based on trivial points like an "o" that could be taken for an "a" or the name's first letter in cursive but the rest in block letters. This seems clearly ridiculous.

But what about a scrawled vote for Mercowsky? Or McKovski? Or Morescowky? How close is close enough to be sure that the voter genuinely intended to vote for Murkowski? It's a legitimate if nitpicking question, one sure to keep flocks of lawyers busy for weeks.

In the meantime, three conclusions are obvious:

1. When your English teachers told you over and over again that spelling mattered, they were right.

2. Even in today's high-tech world, there are still times when good handwriting is important.

3. If you ever want to run as a write-in candidate, maybe you should consider changing your name to Smith.

Categories: Words for Nerds | Tags: , , , , , | 1 Comment

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