Monthly Archives: December 2007

“Are You a Man or a Mouse?”

The photo in a recent newspaper was eye-catching. A plump mouse was standing up on its hind legs, either whispering into or about to nibble on the ear of—a cat. The cat was looking off into the distance, wearing the detached expression of someone undergoing an invasively intimate medical procedure. It seemed to be trying to pretend the whole humiliating episode was simply not happening.

The accompanying AP article described a research project in which a group of Japanese scientists used genetic engineering to wipe out mice’s natural fear of cats. Instead of fleeing or cowering at the sight or smell of felines, the altered mice approached, snuggled with, and tried to play with the cats who were their companions in science.

The researchers said the cats they used were domestic and docile. Presumably, they were also well-fed. There was nothing in the article about the percentage of fearless mice who failed to survive the experiments.

According to the newspaper article, this research shows that fear is genetically hardwired in the brain rather than learned from frightening experiences. Personally, I think it’s more reasonable to conclude that fear can come from both sources. If you’re interested in finding out more about the fearless-mouse project, the study was published in the November 8, 2007, issue of Nature magazine.

The really significant issue related to this research, however, is much more serious. The big question is whether we—in our work places, our schools, our public buildings, and, above all, the sanctity of our homes—are prepared to cope with fearless mice.

Last fall our house suffered an invasion of the furry little varmints. We were first alerted to their presence early one morning, when I heard suspicious rustling noises in the kitchen. I knew it wasn’t my spouse filching from my hoard of chocolate. For one thing, he was still innocently tucked into bed. Besides, I know better than to keep my stash in a place as obvious as the kitchen.

Investigation revealed a disturbing amount of mouse-related evidence in one of the kitchen cupboards. We set traps, washed pots and pans, and tried not to think about the Hanta virus as we scrubbed out cupboards with bleach. After a couple of our uninvited guests succumbed to traps baited with peanut butter, and after we covered the holes they had used, we went back to a mouse-free lifestyle.

A few weeks later, rearranging furniture, I moved our rowing machine. Part of its frame consists of a hollow steel tube about an inch and a half in diameter, with an open top about 18 inches off the floor. That tube was filled with some 20 unshelled pecans. One of our enterprising little invaders had decided this would be the perfect spot for a hoard.

To get each pecan into the cache, the mouse first had to haul it out of a plastic bag inside a cardboard box, then transport it halfway across a large room. Then it had to hop up onto the base of the machine, climb a fairly steep incline, jump across to another slanted piece of the frame, climb that, then jump down to the edge of the open tube—all the while carrying a pecan almost half its own size. It made this journey at least 20 times, not counting any extra trips due to slipping, falling, or dropping its cargo.

When a critter is blessed with this kind of agility and persistence, it has enough going for it. It doesn’t need reckless courage as well.

Creating mice who don’t hesitate to cozy up to cats in controlled laboratory conditions is bad enough. But think of the possible consequences if they escaped to terrorize the outside world. You innocently open a kitchen drawer, and there stands a defiant mouse, waving a small red flag and squeaking, “Down with the cat-lovers!” It is wearing a tiny tee-shirt bearing the slogan: “Revenge of The Hanta Hordes!”

We have to stop these researchers now. Let’s keep the world safe from rodent rage.

Categories: Just For Fun | 1 Comment

Merry Christmas

Random Christmas observations drawn from personal experience:

If you wait to mail gifts to distant loved ones until a few days before Christmas, when it’s too late for them to arrive before December 25, the lines at the post office are much shorter.

Why is it, that after you’ve bought a gift for one person on your list, you keep finding things in store after store that would be absolutely perfect for that person?

In my shopping the last couple of weeks, Christmas and otherwise, I’ve noticed that store clerks everywhere (well, okay, in the six or seven stores I’ve shopped at) are saying, “Have a nice day,” instead of, “Happy Holidays,” or, “Merry Christmas.” Is this an attempt to avoid the whole who-do-we-offend-this-year political correctness issue? Or are they, by the third week in December, simply sick of the whole holiday routine?

When I buy Christmas wrapping paper, I judge it by two criteria: First, of course, it has to be on sale. Second, its design needs to include some straight lines both horizontally and vertically. This is a great help in cutting straight edges when I’m wrapping gifts. Despite this particular obsessive quirk, my wrapped gifts generally look as if they were done by an eight-year-old who was using dull scissors and who couldn’t find the tape.

But no wonder you can never find the tape when you need it. The label says it all: it’s “invisible.”

Blessings to all those of you who actually write, print, and send out Christmas letters—before Christmas, yet. Even though I’ve never done one, I love getting them. It’s great to hear about your year.

Luckily, each year, about three-fourths of the way through my Christmas shopping, I wake up and remember that giving gifts is simply another way to say, “I love you.”

May your Christmas be a wonderful time of celebration with those you care about most.

Categories: Living Consciously | 3 Comments

W00t in the World?

Merriam-Webster has announced its word of the year for 2007—“w00t.” No, despite the fact that it just gave my spell-checker palpitations, that wasn’t a typo. This “word” is spelled—if “spelling” is the correct term—with zero in place of the letter o.

“W00t” comes from the world of electronic game-playing, where it is used as an exclamation of pleasure or triumph. It was chosen through a poll that was conducted online, which may explain why it received enough votes to become the word of the year. Why it is produced with numbers instead of letters remains, to me at least, unclear.

This depresses me greatly, for two reasons. First of all, I had never heard of “w00t.” I would like to believe this merely reflects the fact that I don’t play electronic games. I don’t even indulge in FreeCell and computer solitaire any more, having realized several years ago that I was becoming way too skilled at both and not liking what that said about how I was spending my time. Still, having a venerable institution like Merriam-Webster choose as its word of the year a term completely unfamiliar to me makes me feel terribly out of touch, stodgy, last century, and—okay, I’ll just say it—old.

Secondly, having had a close lifetime relationship with words and a somewhat more distant relationship with numbers, I have always believed the two to be separate species. True, they interact regularly, working together cordially in the common interest of clear communication. Yet each is true to the laws of its own kind. We don’t “spell” numerals, any more than we punctuate words with decimal points.

I suppose “woot” works well enough as a word, though it does sound as if it belongs in a “Tarzan” movie. (Jane: “Here come the great apes! I’m saved!” Apes: “Woot, woot, woot!”)

Edgar Rice Burroughs, however, would have spelled it the old-fashioned way, with four actual letters taken from the alphabet. Replace two of those letters with numbers, and you no longer have a word. Instead, you have produced an awkward hybrid.

Some hybrids, most notably the mule, are useful creatures with a well-earned and respected place in history. Others, such as the lion-tiger combination called a “liger,” seem to be mere curiosities, produced to prove that it can be done.

“W00t” belongs in the latter category. We can only hope, that, like most hybrids, it proves to be sterile.

Categories: Just For Fun | Leave a comment

One Small Christmas Word

It’s time for my annual rant about the increasingly outrageous expansion of what used to be “Christmas” into a two-month extravaganza of over-eating, over-scheduling, and over-spending called “the holiday season.” Let’s focus for just a moment on holiday stress.

If I see one more article about coping with the stress of the holidays, I just may scream. Not, you understand, that I am stressed or anything. I will admit to being profoundly irritated, though. It just doesn’t seem reasonable to complain about holiday stress when so much of it is self-inflicted.

My own suggestion to reduce stress is to employ, early and often, one short word. No, not that word. Admittedly, it may have its place—such as when it’s 11:47 p.m. on Christmas Eve and you are attempting to put together something that the directions blithely assure you can be assembled “in 15 minutes with a few simple tools,” and you’ve been working on it for three hours and you have several small parts left over. In such a situation, feel free to use whatever words come to mind, as often and as emphatically as seems appropriate.

And no, although it certainly can be useful, “no” isn’t the word I’m suggesting, either. The word I recommend using lavishly at this time of year is “why.”

“I have to bake six dozen cookies for the cookie exchange at work.” Why?

“It’s the weekend after Thanksgiving; we have to put up the outside Christmas lights.” Why?

“The Christmas letter has to go out by December 15.” Why?

“I have to get gifts for all 47 people in the extended family.” Why?

“I don’t care what the in-laws want; we have to get together with the whole family on Christmas morning.” Why?

I’m certainly not suggesting you should turn into a Grinch and skip Christmas altogether. It can be a wonderful time of sharing traditions with the people you care about most. Just stop and think about why you do the things you do this time of year. Consider whether the activities are enjoyable, whether they are important to someone in your family, or whether they matter enough to you to be worth doing at all.

If writing a Christmas letter or sending out cards to a long list of relatives and friends is fun and helps you keep in touch with people, then fine. If it’s a hassle and you hate it, why not skip it? You can keep in touch just as well with a spring letter or a summer one—or better yet, emails and notes throughout the year.

If you truly love baking Christmas cookies and want to have dozens of them, that’s great. But if you make them because you assume you should, or you know you’re going to eat too many of them and hate yourself for it, or you end up throwing half of them away because they get stale—then in the name of Saint Nicholas, Rudolph, and all the elves, why do them at all?

By all means, participate in the events and traditions you enjoy this time of year. But before you commit yourself unthinkingly to a list of seasonal shoulds, stop and ask one small question. “Why do this?”

If the answer is, “Because I want to,” then go for it. Have a wonderful time—and a Merry Christmas.

Categories: Living Consciously | 2 Comments

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